We can easily identify rape, murder, and theft by looking at the facts. Harassment? Discrimination? Bullying? These three are much less clear-cut. In the past 60 years a lot of work has been put into identifying and preventing discrimination. In the last 10 years a lot of progress has been made identifying and preventing harassment. What about bullying? Most everyone has experienced bullying at some time in life. It attacks the inside more than the outside. It attacks our emotions and our identity.
Is it good?
Some of us think being attacked emotionally or mentally is a part of life and that the way to deal with it is to "toughen up" and ignore it. This article is not for you. You have already given up on your American constitutional right to the pursuit of happiness. Of course you still pursue happiness. The difference is you set the bar lower for yourself and expect those around you to adopt your disability as well. I can run. I'm not sitting in that wheelchair.
The key to preventing bullying lies in how to identify bullying. Bullying is rather hard to identify because it attacks the inside more than the outside. According to Google's definition, bullying is the use of superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants. I disagree with this definition. Notice the word I italicized: "typically." I think the reason bullying is so hard to prevent is because its only easy to identify when the motivation behind bullying is to force someone to do something the bully wants. I believe bullying is not typically to force someone to do anything. However this occasionally is the motivation. I maintain that bullying is typically just to "use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone)." This internal bullying is the worst kind because it attacks a person's soul.
In elementary school I was standing in line for lunch. I was standing in front of Caleb (a very quiet kid) and Tim (a not so quiet kid) was standing behind Caleb. Tim was bored and starting talking to Caleb about Caleb.
"Man! Caleb, you have a big head!"
This was true. Caleb did have a very big head.
Tim repeated himself
"you have a big head!"
He turned to the guy behind him, "doesn't Caleb have the hugest head you've ever seen!?"
He turned back to Caleb, "don't you think you have a big head?"
Caleb still didn't respond. He looked uncomfortable.
"Do you hear me Caleb?"
He looks around Caleb and starts talking to me about Caleb's huge head. In the beginning of this whole episode it was a little funny because it was true, Caleb had a HUGE head and I didn't particularly like Caleb either. He was usually very quiet but when he did speak he would say really stupid things. Yeah, Caleb had a big head but I don't doubt that he was already self conscious of it. He just pretended to ignore Tim.
Tim persisted, "It is soooooooo huge! I can't even see around it!"
I realized this had been out of hand from the start and said something to Tim.
"C'mon man stop picking on him."
"I'm not picking on him. Its a fact. He has a big head!"
"Maybe so but you don't have to pick on him about it."
Tim looks at Caleb's head, "I'm not picking on you Caleb; you know that right? I'm just joking around. You really do have a big head."
"Stop it man. You're just picking on him."
"No I'm not!"
...
It continued like this till we finished going through the lunch line. Their was nothing I could do and their was nothing Caleb could do. I didn't like Caleb but I still felt sorry for him. He was helpless. He didn't know how to respond back to Tim. Joking is mutual. Joking is balanced. Joking is for the purpose of being friendly. Tim wasn't trying to be friendly.
So often bullying is defended with
"but it's true!"
"we we're just joking around!"
(no, not true. you were joking around. Both parties have to be having fun for "just joking/messing around" to be appropriate)
I've even heard the classic: "I was just joking. We're friends."
In order to prevent bullying we must first be able to identify it and distinguish it from other things such as "facts" and "joking."
What is the common denominator between harassment, discrimination, bullying, rape, murder, and theft?
It is one sided. It is not in both parties interest. It is one side's choice and it is not the other side's choice. It isn't compromise. It isn't just a slightly unfair trade or deal. There is not choice. There is no perception of the other person's needs or rights as a human being.
There isn't much that can be done to completely stop bullying but what can be done is that we can be fully aware of the problem, know how to identify it, know that it should not be tolerated and to put your big kid pants on and say something. If bullies get pointed out for their behavior, I think that it would dramatically decrease. I think a lot of bullies actually don't realize that what they are doing is wrong. Some do but I think a lot of us (including me) have bullied someone else and not realized it. If someone had said something to me I would have realized what I was doing was wrong and stopped doing it.
The key: SAY SOMETHING.
No comments:
Post a Comment